Helping children build secure attachments is at the heart of therapeutic, educational, and caregiving work. Secure attachments form the foundation for emotional resilience, social skills, and healthy relationships later in life. The development of these bonds may necessitate deliberate support for children who have been subjected to trauma, neglect, or inconsistent caregiving. One robust framework that guides this process is PACE—an approach rooted in Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity, and Empathy. Professionals working with children who have experienced trauma often find that completing PACE training equips them with practical tools to foster secure and trusting relationships.
Developed by clinical psychologist Dr. Dan Hughes as part of Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy (DDP), PACE offers a practical and relational way to build trust and emotional safety. It is widely used by therapists, foster and adoptive parents, educators, and anyone supporting children with complex emotional needs.
Playfulness: Lightening The Emotional Load
Playfulness in the PACE model doesn’t mean constant entertainment or silliness. Instead, it’s about bringing a light and accepting tone to interactions. When caregivers or professionals use gentle humour, exaggerated facial expressions, or a warm voice, they help reduce tension and make the child feel safe.
This tone helps children lower their defences. Many children with insecure attachment patterns expect adults to be critical or punitive. When they are met with playful engagement, it surprises them in a good way and begins to reshape their internal model of relationships. Playfulness builds rapport and lays the groundwork for a more profound emotional connection.
Acceptance: Seeing The Child Behind The Behaviour
Acceptance is the act of unconditionally valuing the child, regardless of their behaviour. This principle doesn’t mean approving of harmful actions; instead, it separates the child’s core self from their actions. Acceptance communicates: “you are good and worthy, even if your behaviour needs to change.”
Children with a history of rejection or trauma often carry shame. They may internalise the belief that they are bad or unlovable. By consistently showing acceptance, caregivers challenge those internal beliefs. This fosters emotional safety and allows the child to take risks in expressing their feelings, knowing they will not be rejected.
Curiosity: Understanding, Not Judging
Curiosity in the PACE framework involves a calm, non-judgmental effort to understand the child’s inner world. Instead of asking, “why did you do that?” in a blaming tone, an adult using curiosity might say, “I wonder if you felt scared when that happened.”
This gentle inquiry invites the child to reflect on their feelings without fear of criticism. It also helps adults understand the emotional motivations behind a child’s behaviour, which can often be rooted in fear, anxiety, or past trauma. When children feel understood, they begin to develop self-awareness and trust in the relationship.
Empathy: Feeling With, Not For
Empathy is perhaps the most powerful component of the PACE model. It involves sharing the child’s emotional experience—being fully present with their feelings, even when those feelings are difficult. An empathetic response might sound like, “that must have been so overwhelming for you. I’m here with you.”
Children who have experienced emotional neglect often struggle to name or trust their feelings. Empathy validates those emotions and lets the child know they are not alone. Over time, repeated experiences of empathetic attunement help children regulate their emotions and develop secure attachment bonds.
The Impact Of PACE On Attachment
By consistently using the principles of PACE, adults create a relational environment that mirrors the conditions necessary for secure attachment: emotional availability, consistency, safety, and attunement. Children begin to learn that adults can be trusted, that their feelings matter, and that they are not defined by their past.
This approach is especially transformative for children with attachment difficulties, developmental trauma, or disrupted caregiving histories. Instead of trying to control behaviour through consequences or rewards, PACE focuses on connection and understanding—the very things that build lasting change.
Final Thoughts
Supporting secure attachments isn’t about having all the answers—it’s about showing up with authenticity, patience, and compassion. The principles of PACE offer a roadmap for doing just that. By meeting children with playfulness, offering unconditional acceptance, staying curious, and responding with empathy, caregivers and professionals can nurture the kind of trust and connection that helps children heal and grow.